When life hands you lemons…

After another spell of life in the fast lane, even more self discoveries have come to light.
I had a Job interview with Anglican Youthworks last thursday, looking at a traineeship in Nowra.
I had a Trial with them from monday. WOW! so much fun, but I am so tired.
We did archery, a 4km Canoe, Abseiling, swimming, camp out, and hike.
It was great fun.
But I learnt that i’m still not well. Not well enought to commit to full time work, as much as I love or enjoy something, I am not phyically capable, and whilst its a let down of sorts, you have to find a way to make lemonade in your sour situation.
So I see it as another door to opportunities unknown.
I may guide, or work in retail…or I might just go on in the slowness of life. But it is life and I have found Joy in the wake of pain.
Life is more than black and white…

‘Tis the season to be Blogging!

Store’s are stocked and shelves are overflowing with the various flotsam that comes with the Christmas season snapping at our heels in hasty approach.
I once again find myself in a position, lacking direction, yet gliding along in undeniable style, notable internet silence and vast teen angst consuming me for what will be my last Christmas as a teen.
I am drawing to the close of my first semester at TAFE with the potential that i may not be returning for the second and final semester
I am still searching for that inexplicably illusive purpose my life is sure to have.
I have developed new interests in fields i formerly avoided.
Illness still nags at me holding me back.
Singleness remains…but that’s not so bad.
New and confusing frustrations present themselves each day.
And once again I have reached the conclusion that it is time to grow up.
I’ve done much growing already this year, what with my excursion overseas, working full time in the City, returning to the public education system, leading at youthgroup and camps.
But i still have a way to go.
I have grown in faith.
I have grown in Love.
I have grown in ability.
I have grown in Maturity…
now i need to use it.

I have made new friends and I have lost some older ones.
But time is moving on, and life is moving forward.
I do my best to look forward to the future, instead of looking back.
And I’m striving to prepare myself for what life has to offer.

I have been scared back into reality when i try to avoid the things life dealt me, and i learnt that i could cope and that i could come out smiling.

I want to Live.
I will Live.

The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall i fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life. Of whom should i be afraid?
Psalm 27v1

bests!

Bests…
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Parties and Nightlife

Well, I know i haven’t written much recently, but alot has happened recently.
some bests!
so i had my birthday, i officially have less than a year left of being a teen! woohoo.
it was the best birthday i’ve had!
My party was so much fun, my birthday we went out for lunch with kirby and family and then kirby sam and i hung out in springwood. it was awesome! Then i went to sing at church and then we went to maccas and the skate park! awesome.
Then I did Remote Area First Aid, which i PASSED! woooooooo!
then i had 10 days of awayness on dirtbike camp! it was a really great camp. so much fun, i’m starting to feel more and more like a leader!
Yesterday Jodie and i went shopping….what can i say? screen printing, GO LO choc cups and tractor tractor…..AWESOME FUN
then i had a great Day today at jenolan caves doing worok experience. i did four caves and my legs are aching, i had SUCH a great day, i learnt so much and saw so much and heard so much, but didn’t eat much because i didn’t have time, hahaha.
But i did the Temple of Baal with dad, which was absolutely amazing
then i Did the Chifley with David, which was Brilliant -> dave is a massive history buff….Then i did the Lucas with Gordan which was fantastic, i got to sing in the Cathedral, and it was awesome!
then i had to SPRINT to the Orient, with Keith and he was so DIVERSE and fun and knowledgeable, it was such a good day, but i am so exhausted, physically and mentally drained!
oh man!
I also wrote and sent someone a VERY colourful letter….he should get it soon i hope.
awwww my legs hurt.
POLICE CAR
sigh.
oh and one more best.
ADAM JAY! i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu hahahaha *lick lick*
xo

Because I’ve been so lazy

I do apologise to those of you who read this Blog frequently.
Well, not recently, life has been busy and i’ve only just remembered that i should write in here. not that i have a great amount of things to say.
Today we went on a family trip up to Jenolan Caves where we had a private tour with Dad.
It was really interesting, i find all the history and culture so compelling.
I’m really looking forward to the opportunity that i will have when i do work experience there.
I’m really excited about next weekend with Stop Hard’s two gigs as well! and i get too sing the new(ish) song at Tres Elies
so excited!
Damon’s about to come over too, so thats nice. nice to have friends over every so often especially late at night!
hahaha.
and to think we have it again next week too, just not at my house.
Anyway, i really have nothing to say.

xo
Annelise

20 most significant ppl

these aren’t in a specific order.
WARNING! content not always so…nice….
hmmm

one
I’ll start with you to get you out of the way
you helped me learn alot about life, more than anyone
I know that you wont read this so i can say that was the most brutal and painful lesson i have ever learnt.
i never thought the person who showed me so much love, and showed me faith in myself, would then strip it all and make me feel so naked, so alone, and so hated.
I Loved you
and a part of me always will.
but i lost everything, when i lost you
but i’m glad that you’re gone….at least for now

Two -
you are so precious
i’m glad we can be there for each other
especially when we never used to be.
I meant what i said, i love you, you’re always my best friend.
my little big sister

Three -
my make up and hair design artist.
you are a great friend to me.
we have some of the funniest conversations ever
we HAVE to do another movie day soon

four -
you always told me where my limits should be
you always said yes and no with sense and propriety.
I didn’t always seem to listen
though i heard every word.
Just sometimes you need to learn things for yourself.
sometimes the last thing you need is a mother hovering.
But you’ve always been a fantastic friend and you really care
that is something you should never lose
not enough people in this world care.
so please don’t stop shining your bright light.

Five-
the sweetness.
the charmer.
So kind and caring.
though i wonder if you realise that by taking on so much, you start to let others down?
you’re still a wonderful friend, and i’m so proud of my new sister

six-
my american angel.
i would have been lost without you there
you were so encouraging and inspiring
you didn’t let me down
and helped me see that there was a purpose behind everything that happened

Seven -
My psychologist,
or rather, I was your release point for your frustration, your intellect, and your lessons learnt in psych school.
i dunno what happened to us but you know, we’re getting closer again.
I wish you would let go some though.

Eight -
my blog comment buddy. my night owl companion.
my non invisible friend.
my NY buddy.
you are going to have quite an experience.
kinda half wish i could watch you have it, which is funny, since i hardly know you.
but you are a sweet.
never stop smiling. even when things get sucky….

Nine-
don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got til its gone?
I miss your Jokes.
I miss your lameness.
I miss my free periods with you.
I love that you read between my lines, and knew that for once i wasn’t just being dramatic.
you are a friend i hope i never ever lose.
my humorous shirt companion
thank you for inspiring me

Ten -
its all about the blue.
need i say more?
thanks for the friendship shorty
its just for fun

eleven -
I still can’t believe sometimes that i could control you.
But I am proud that I could.
thank you for caring for me.
but never care for me, by lying to me again
truth even when it hurts.
GOT IT?!

twelve -
hehe, slut dance with me!
you still owe me a night at the clubs.
you attention whore!
(who would ever guess i’m talking bout a dude!)
I miss our art lessons together.
i miss bitching at you for hours on end.
oh well

Thirteen -
my ice cream queen.
I’ll lick your spoons any day

don’t stop crazy

Fourteen -
you didn’t know me, but you took an interest
i think we’d spoken twice, but you still emailed to check up
you are a real PK, Hardcore to the bone.
but i love it.
have a safe and fulfilling mission.

fifteen -
my little cookie.
you aren’t so little anymore
and your confidence has grown so much.
i love youuuuuuuuu

sixteen -
its strange that you should appear on here
i thought it pathetic to begin with that i wanted to spend time with you.
but now i realise its really special.
not everyone can have this relationship with their mummy.
i love youuuuuu

seventeen -
my very dear friend
i saw you twice today, and it was awesome
just to sit and chat.
to hear you talk
and get a hug!
oh me oh my

eighteen -
my dancing queen!
oh i miss you and can’t wait to see you.
we have to do something together soon!
you have been my weight loss inspiration.
thankyou for rocking!
and saying things as you see them.
you were really special that way.

nineteen -
my little man
to think you wouldn’t be able to read this even if you could.
i love you so much
and wish i saw you more often.
you make me laugh
and you make me cry
funny to think that a three year old boy could do that to anyone but his parents.
but i love you so much more than i can say.
my little matty moo

Twenty -
my meanie
my inny
i can’t believe how much we used to fight
but thanks.
you taught me how to punch out the bastards who got in my way.
but i only gave one decent black eye.
maybe there are more on the horizon…?
i’m glad you don’t look like heath ledger anymore.
it was weird, people saying my brother was hot.
love you!

life lessons

Well, Its amazing that true exhaustion does not hit until you actually take the chance to stop.
What kills me more is that because it is an internal ailment, the rest of me just wants to keep going, but I don’t have the energy or the ability.
but i am getting some quality me time, when i can be bothered to get up.
I’ve been doing some controlled thinking, now, let me explain.
I am a thinker, i spend a good deal of time mulling things over.
yes i am also really spontaneous.
but i am a thinker.
I get stuck on things, i have a tendancy to review past or future situations in my head.
for the future, this means dwelling on things, for example a job interview, or telling someone you like them, or stuff like that (yes that was a very teenage example, but it fits the bill) but you sit and you analyse what seems like every possible outcome and response, undoubtedly, they still manage to come up with something new….i have been like that alot in the past.
In the case of past scenarios, I map out what happened. what went wrong, why it went wrong, why i was my fault and what i could have done to avoid it.
This causes me to fall into the trap of dwelling on the past.
I read on someone else’s blog (maybe tones???) do not dwell on the past, but learn from your mistakes (something to that effect)
I’ve gotten into the process of deliberating over things in my mind that i can’t move on.
He Who Shall Not Be Named is an example. I have dwelt on it for so many months (years) that i got myself into the state of believing that if i could hold onto it, and relive the moments i could fix it. when in reality, that really doesn’t work.
So i realise now that to be able to move on, i have to be able to let go.
letting go is really hard if your rethinking over every moment of every minute spent on or with something.
but at the same time, you need to be able to learn from your past, and your mistakes (i am def. not calling him a mistake) but you have to find where to draw the line, and that is the action i am struggling with that.
I have had some poetical lines filtering thru my head which will hopefully be turned into songs eventually…

ignorance is bliss and patience is a virtue
sometimes you make me wonder, was i better off without you?
denial is a smooth escape from facing what is true
sometimes i even wish, that i’d never gone and met you.

-A

oh me oh my

well,
Today was my first day of freedom!
I resigned and now i will focus my attention on resting and getting better.
chronic fatigue is painful and annoying.
but i’m hoping sometime for me, will allow me to take a break from everything.
then i can get some perspective and fix my mess!

anyways.
luvoo

A

So Much More to live For

I Think it’s probably my very (if not one of) my very best

Well you wanna know something I think I made a step
In the right direction but I keep on looking back
Clinging to the things I’ve known for so long now
But I’ve got to turn my head around and move

Because
I’ve got
So much more to live for
Because
There is
So much more to me
Than
Where my life began
And where it is right now
And living day-to-day like this
Will only bring me down
Because
I have
So much more to live for

I know I’ve done things that I can’t take back
But now they are in the past I’m made of
But now I’m growing older and I know that times rolled on
But if you keep bringing those things up they never will be gone

Because
I’ve got
So much more to live for
Because
There is
So much more to me
Than
Things way back in my old past
Things from yesterday
Sure they made me who I am
But today’s a different day
Because
I have
So much more to live for

Lessons

well, i’ve been learning some stuff of late, some things are more serious than others like my extreme distaste for socks and sandals, but i’m in a mood for writing something poetic, bt i’m not sure what to write or how to do it, but here goes.

It took a lot of months learning how to trust
to lose my inhibitions and to give everything up.
to find the strength within myself and let go of it all
to push those thoughts into the black and finally stand up tall
letting go of all the fear and trusting in my heart
to choose with whom and where i would let my sharing start

so I chose to trust some one’s with alot of what I had
some of them were good decisions while others made me sad
and with someone in particular, I made a big mistake
and it turned out that all he was, was nothing but a fake
He drew me in, I trusted him, and let him be my friend
he tried to push it all too far, and now its passed the end

I lacked essential judgement and got hurt in its effect
but I learnt in all the hurt to pause and to reflect.
now i’m back to my square one where this all began
back to when all i’d have done is turn around and ran
and now i have to learn it all, who and how to trust
and until i reach that day, aloneness is a must

will i ever trust again?
will i ever know?
will anybody ever live up to what i want?

what ya’ll think?

what to do…?

I’m currently in a bit of a slum.
i am actually doing fairly decently, i’m pretty darn happy and i’m enjoying work, but when it comes to weekends and phone usage, i feel my life is lacking, i guess i’m just having a dignified whinge.
i am really missing having someone to tell everything to, or someone who’ll go out just to be with me.
but i really shouldn’t be complaining

i have no life.